Your life, My life, Our life...I let myself go

I've been in denial I haven't allowed myself to accept it. I let myself be yours again I was stupid about it again I let myself go Now I pay the price I can feel you slipping away I can feel you loving her I can see the inevitable I let myself go And for all this I will never forgive myself We alowed ourselves a night together, a night of passion, a night of love, and for what? We took two ones and made another We did this I did this You did this And now it will never be He will never play football She will never dance I will never know because I let myself go Maybe one day I will tell you Maybe one day I'll be brave We made one that never was but in my heart will always be I let myself go

A year today

It's been a year omfg!!

I cannot hold out any longer

My name is Jaded....and you are?

The worst part about a broken heart is that it doesn't kill you. It's been 7 months and I still feel dead on the inside. I should be over this, I should know better. He certainly got over it. I guess I wasn't good enough.
Why does it have to keep hurting? Am I destined like the greatest ladies
Of my time to live a life of solitude for being myself?
Will I ever love the same? It kills me to feel like I'll never love
Anyone as much as I love him. It kills to know that he loves someone else
And that his love for her is way stronger than whatever he felt for me.
Now I realize how empty his 'I love you' were, when mine though cynical at times
I meant. I hate so much that I let myself love him, but what I hate the most is that I can't hate him.
I'm Jaded...I've had it, I'm done, I quit. I have come to terms with the fact that I will forever want the unattainble
Therefore all that awaits me is a life of loneliness and despair. I only felt love like that once in my life
And that moment was when you held me in your arms while I cried Sr. Verde. At that moment I felt like no matter what happenned you would hold me
And not let go. That's the moment I realized I loved you more than I ever thought possible and that was the same moment I realized
All that I had ahead was pain. I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know what to do with time, even killing myself seems useless
Cos no matter what I feel you won't care.

I'm Jaded.....I can't do anything about it.

Ciao <3

DIM MAK

Greatest night of my life to date!

I'd like to thank my cousins for introducing me t the amazingness that is Steve Aoki a couple years ago!!

Thanks to them I went to this event and it was simply superb!

No need to spend money on alcohol

Tho knowing me you know I took a couple of shots before hand ;P

Steve provided plenty of alcohol for those of us upfront!

Hands down greatest night in a while!!

My clothing ended up smelling of ass My asian almost pass out in the car while the main asian rocked the haus!

Special shout out to Meech for blasting some kick ass tunes and looking sexy while doing it!!

Hands down greatest night in forever, now on to the next event!!

Ciao <3

Why did it have to be this way?

You deleted my post again Dear friend. Why do you constantly do this?
You know that it breaks my heart. You aren't stupid.
I thought it was all clear. You told me how you felt. You told me she was more than I will ever be.
Then you kissed me. I hate that it was the perfect kiss. I've never had a kiss like the ones you gave me. If i could constantly go back to a moment in my life I would keep going back to your arms, your kiss, to you.

All I've wanted is you. You were that fuel that kept me going, you motivated me, you mad eme laugh, you made me happy, now I'm just miserable, now I want to die every single day. All I want to do is be gone because life without you is now a mistery.

Why couldn't I keep you, why is she better, why am I not enough, Why can't you love me as I love you?
Why did I allow myslef to feel this way? Why did you go along with it? I know you felt the same, but now you're ok and I'm hee wishing I could cut everything short.

The only reason I don't end this life is cos I'm too scared of what comes next and keep telling myself that I need to see you just one more time before I end it.

I'm scared that I'll get everything I ever dreamed of but I'll never feel this wy about anyone in my life.

I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself cos you lied to everyone else and told them you never lead me on
I hate myself cos yu never let yourself really love me

I hate myself cos during those few beautifull moments I felt more love from you than anyone I've ever been with and you can't tell me what really went through your mind.

I HATE THAT I'LL NEVER KNOW
I HATE THAT I LET IT HAPPEN

BUT IN THE END I STILL LOVE YOU

ciao <3

You ever wake up...

and realized you had the freakiet dream et it all makes sense!

Recently I dreamt in sequence that i was in the car driving with one of my little sister's school friends
All of a sudden i find myself in the back seat f my car making out with an old friend of mine
then i switch to declaring my love to another friend realizing he might not love me back running away and then have him follow me trying to tell me he is in love with me while we're buying real estate.

The funny thing is I know exactly what some of it means

Like that recurring dream where i was stuck between two version of one of my friends and then jumped to a car where i'm fighting with another friend over a map!
Dreams are weird like that!!
The freakier the person the clearer the dream!

<3

Life Philosophies

As it turns out I've been writing many of my life philosphies on facebook and it seems they are a hit

I will be gathering them together and posting them here soon enough so as to entertain the world!!!


Ciao <3