Why did it have to be this way?

You deleted my post again Dear friend. Why do you constantly do this?
You know that it breaks my heart. You aren't stupid.
I thought it was all clear. You told me how you felt. You told me she was more than I will ever be.
Then you kissed me. I hate that it was the perfect kiss. I've never had a kiss like the ones you gave me. If i could constantly go back to a moment in my life I would keep going back to your arms, your kiss, to you.

All I've wanted is you. You were that fuel that kept me going, you motivated me, you mad eme laugh, you made me happy, now I'm just miserable, now I want to die every single day. All I want to do is be gone because life without you is now a mistery.

Why couldn't I keep you, why is she better, why am I not enough, Why can't you love me as I love you?
Why did I allow myslef to feel this way? Why did you go along with it? I know you felt the same, but now you're ok and I'm hee wishing I could cut everything short.

The only reason I don't end this life is cos I'm too scared of what comes next and keep telling myself that I need to see you just one more time before I end it.

I'm scared that I'll get everything I ever dreamed of but I'll never feel this wy about anyone in my life.

I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself cos you lied to everyone else and told them you never lead me on
I hate myself cos yu never let yourself really love me

I hate myself cos during those few beautifull moments I felt more love from you than anyone I've ever been with and you can't tell me what really went through your mind.

I HATE THAT I'LL NEVER KNOW
I HATE THAT I LET IT HAPPEN

BUT IN THE END I STILL LOVE YOU

ciao <3